LIAR, LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!

By Özge Aksoy

This subject has always been interesting for me because I have a lot of people in my life who are big liars. I have always tried to find the reason. Yes, we can list lots of reasons, but none of them should be used as excuses. Everybody has different reasons for lying. Of course, there are some white lies that all of us may tell sometimes, but when it becomes extraordinary, this shows that the person has some problems.

I decided to interview my friends about their big lies and the problems they arouse. When I started researching this, I realized that I didn’t need to search for big lies because I have lots of serious examples that my ex-boyfriend told me in the past. I will mention some of them in my article but firstly I want to start with the role of lying in our lives.

We should admit that we all tell some white lies in our everyday lives. We always tell our friend that her dress looks stylish even if we think that it is awful or we may tell our boss that his presentation was amazing when in fact, it was useless. Research shows that we lie at least once a day or people tell two to three lies every 10 minutes. We spin the facts and make up fictions for all sorts of reasons. We might want to gain a raise or reward or protect friends or lovers. But unfortunately, this is not the truth because I have always believed that every lie will become known one day. And I have always found out the lies even if it is too late.

For instance, I have found out after 3-4 months after I broke up with my boyfriend that he had never studied in a university. Think about that! Once, he told me that he was angry with his teacher because she had given him a low mark. This makes me think that he is schizophrenic.

It has been proved that people who deceive themselves also tend to be happier than people who do not. Studies have shown that people who lie frequently are viewed as more friendly than their more truthful counterparts. But of course, no one likes being lied to. They feel betrayed. As for me, I have always wanted to know the truth even if it hurts, because one day I will somehow learn the truth, and it will hurt more.

After I broke up with my boyfriend, and after all lies that he had told me, I became quite sure that that he was also cheating on me. When I asked him about the other woman, he told me that there was nothing going on between them and that she was one of his relatives although his mom says she wasn’t, but I had believed him. Maybe I am stupid, or he is. Anyway, I would prefer to know the truth.

In the light of my findings, I have learned that lying begins early. By the age of 3, most children know how to fib, and by 6, most lie a few times a day. Experts believe that children learn to lie by observing their parents do it, and they become practiced in the art of deception by imitating Mom and Dad. They may learn to lie in the same way as they learn to speak.
Maybe my boyfriend was trying to imitate someone. He was so comfortable while he was lying. He always claimed that he was at home, and he always made me call his home if I didn’t believe him, but when I called, he wasn’t at home. So we can say that even if he said he went to the washroom to pee, we shouldn’t believe that the aim was to pee. And this clearly shows the seriousness of the issue. Such people will always deserve not to be trusted by anyone.

People act differently when they are telling lies. Their heart rate speeds up and their body temperature increases. There are often clues that give away lies such as avoidance of eye contact, change of voice and body language. But I don’t think it affects my ex-boyfriend because he was extremely calm even when he told me that the lighter in his pocket belonged to his uncle and he didn’t smoke. The studies show that when telling white or social lies, people usually don’t feel any anxiety at all. So I think all kinds of lies were the same for him. He didn’t feel any anxiety by telling any of them.

In conclusion; we can say that everybody lies. It may only be white lies, but everyone tells them or omits the truth sometimes. But if it is a serious deception, it often makes it impossible for us to trust another person again. I support the idea that there is nothing more sacred in our relationships than our trust of each other.