Mixed-Culture Couples Culture Clash

 By Naon Jung

If you live in Toronto, which is one of the most amazing multicultural cities in the world, you will definitely have many chances to meet someone from abroad. As a Torontonian, these things can be your daily experience: to eat lunch with Asians, drink coffee with Saudi Arabians, to go to a pub with Europeans and date a Latino. More specifically, as an ESL student who studies in Toronto, you surely have opportunities to meet a lot of people from different countries. And if you are lucky, you might fall in love with someone.   

Looking back on my experience, it was really special to have a relationship with someone from abroad. In Vancouver, I met my ex-boy friend, who is from Spain. We were almost blinded by the power of love. It was not the first but the best for both of us. “Love” can endure all differences, such as language, nationality, age, and appearance but not “culture clashes”, which are also called cultural differences. They appear in the way we speak and act. 

In Korea, where I was born and raised, we have a habit of rejecting the first offer even though we want to accept it. It’s the way we respect or be polite to someone. That’s why whenever my ex-boyfriend wanted to offer me something or try to get my permission, I used to answer, “It’s ok.” which could mean yes or no. I always waited for his second offer but he never asked me again.

Here is another example. When we went to The Bay, a department store, he said he wanted to buy me my favourite perfume as a gift, and I said, “It’s ok.” again. I didn’t want to make him feel pressured although I would be really happy with his gift. And then he looked deep into my eyes and said “Ok, I see”. I was really shocked. In my mind, I was yelling, ‘Why don’t you ask me one more time?’ but unfortunately he couldn’t hear it.   

 It’s easy to think that our cultural differences are due to distance. However, it can influence the relationship between mixed-culture couples within small distances too. One of my Korean friends and his ex-girlfriend from Japan also had a cultural clash even though the distance between Korea and Japan is only 530 miles.     

When my Edward and Toyama started a relationship, the Toyama kissed him first. He was pretty surprised at the time. In Korea, women who make the first move are seen as being “easy”. As a Korean myself, I feel really embarrassed to say this, but we Korean women have been forced to be passive in our love, work, and even our lives. Due to the patriarchy derived from Confucianism, women have to be silent, and they feel shy when expressing their emotions. The situation is obviously better nowadays, but Edward was surprised because he couldn’t anticipate her move nor could he even imagine it. In Japan, however, the situation is slightly different. Even though Korea and Japan are influenced by the same Chinese Confucian culture, the way we interpret it is quite different.

Aristotle, one of the most famous philosophers in the world said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” If the two bodies are from different countries which are separated by thousands of kilometers, there is no doubt it is pretty difficult to be “a single soul”. The only thing that we can do when we love somebody from abroad is to try hard to understand them the way they are. Stop being judgmental, accept them with your heart and realize that you are the luckiest person to meet someone from different world.